MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM 1886
Let your love be stronger than your hate or your anger.
Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.
Believe the best rather than the worst. People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them.
Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship.
The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindness you bestow on your friends.
~ Jane Wells (1886)
There’s a quiet kind of power in words that have lived longer than we have. Advice passed down from 1886 carries with it not only the voice of a different time, but a thread of wisdom that transcends centuries. In this short yet potent piece, there’s a gentle reminder that love, at its most enduring, is not about grand gestures or flawless harmony -- it is about choosing grace, again and again, in the face of life’s inevitable friction.
“Let your love be stronger than your hate or your anger.” What a tender call to return to love even in our moments of conflict. It acknowledges that anger will come, disagreements will arise, but it asks us to anchor ourselves in love -- not just when it’s easy, but precisely when it’s hard. Love isn’t the absence of emotion, but the presence of choice. Choosing love over pride, tenderness over retaliation -- that’s where the heart of commitment lives.
The wisdom of compromise, too, is a soft skill that marriage shapes in us over time. It’s not about losing oneself, but about loosening the need to be right, to win, to control. It’s understanding that unity is more important than victory, and that sometimes, bending a little is how we build the most unbreakable bonds. Flexibility in love isn’t weakness -- it’s wisdom.
Then comes the gentle urging to believe the best rather than the worst. What we expect of each other shapes what we become together. When we assume good intentions, when we extend grace instead of judgment, we create an environment where love can thrive instead of shrink. Faith in each other becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy -- one that feeds encouragement instead of criticism.
Perhaps the most profound line is the one that reminds us: true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship. Romance may ignite the flame, but friendship is what keeps it burning through the seasons. Being allies, confidantes, playmates, and partners in both the laughter and the lull -- that’s what sustains love through the years.
Finally, the most delicate reminder: treat the person you marry with the same courtesies you offer your friends. It’s so easy to save our best manners for the outside world and grow careless at home. But our partner -- this person we’ve chosen to build life with -- is worthy of our gentleness, our kindness, our respect. Small acts of thoughtfulness, tender words, warm glances… these are the quiet ways we say “I love you” every day.
This advice from 1886 is not outdated -- it’s evergreen. It hums with the same truths that build lasting love today. Let it be a soft candlelight in the room of your relationship, illuminating the way toward a deeper, more enduring connection.
